Perthshire Eagles 29 - 27 Dunfermline Wolves

MISSING:Trainee Cub Reporter 3rd class; last seen heading in the direction of Wembley stadium; answers to the name of Nisbet; recently neutered; reward if found.

A honeymoon away watching American Football Ian ? You romantic fool you !

I really oughtn't to need the sat nav to show me the way to Perth now should I – I mean there are only 2 entries in my destination addresses: Stirling & Perth. Certainly no need to use the sat nav for the return journey home, as the pall of smoke winding up into the horizon from Curtis' slight chip-pan mishap serves as a handy beacon to guide us home.

My old English teacher always taught me that when writing an essay, always try to draw upon real experiences and the truth. There again, my old English teacher never had to write anything as politically sensitive as a Dunfermline Wolves rugby match report. The first casualty in war is often the truth, goes the old adage, however the first casualty at the Inches in Perth is a miniature poodle which Connor Crawford's dog, Max, almost swallows whole after Max masters his tackling technique and catches the overgrown rodent – good leg drive from Max, that John would be proud of, but perhaps too much biting & chewing.

FRONT ROW: Connor Crawford, Euan McElwee, Adam Nicol
LOCKS: Ewen Slane, Daniel McMillan
FLANKERS: Sean Taylor, Gregor Beatson
No.8: Curtis Matthews

HALF-BACKS: Connor Smilie, Cormac Wcislo
CENTRES: Adam Cumming, Daniel Wilson
WINGERS: Andrew Mackenzie, Connor Bannister
FULL BACK: Andrew Clark

13:20 KICK-OFF
Dunfermline kick-off (playing right to left – I you're watching from the pathway side and on your best behaviour beside the Perth fans & coaches) with a well placed kick for the forwards to chase and compete for. However, the Wolves lose the ball in a game which sees more turnovers than Stephens the Bakers pastry counter. Perthshire turnover the ball from the ruck and kick to touch on the near side

Having been held captive in a 2 hour positive coaching marathon presentation at Queen Anne High School the previous week, I am minded to focus on the positives, and one of the positives of the first half of this match was the Dunfermline domination of the line-outs – with Sean Taylor climbing higher than an Ulsterman up Kilimanjaro (Well done Richard !) to repeatedly either pluck the ball cleanly out of the air, or disrupt his competing jumper.

Dunfermline are pinged for crossing and Connor Bannister almost prevents the ball from finding its touch. Perthshire gather the ball and try to kick their way out of their half, but their kick was charged down by Daniel McMillan who then gathered the ball, only for it to be ripped from his grasp and given as a knock-on.

As both teams probe for weaknesses in the other's defence, no clear-cut chances arise until Perth break through the Dunfermline line with a solitary Andrew Clark the last line of defence. Andrew stands firm and locks onto his target like a human missile-defence system and puts in a text-book tackle to down the incoming threat.

If the line-outs were strong for Dunfermline, then the scrummaging was even stronger, with Dunfermline seemingly able to shove the Perthshire scrum around the field with more ease than Anton du Bec guiding Jerry Hall around the dance-floor on Strictly. From a series of scrums in the Perthshire 22, the Wolves are awarded a penalty which is taken quickly for Connor Crawford to crash through on, showing that deceptively fast short burst of pace which he has – and once you get a mass (m) of Connor's size moving at velocity (v), it proves very difficult to stop. {Note to physics students: you will recognise this as the principle of conservation of momentum p=mv, for your up & coming prelims}

13:32 Perthshire Eagles: 0 v Dunfermline Wolves: 7

Perthshire re-start with a faltering, bobbling kick which Daniel McMillan elects to play and gathers before it crosses the 10m line. Daniel makes good progress up the near side but is penalised for getting back to his feet in the tackle, although he does not appear to be held. Cormac Wcislo takes the ball on and is tackled, prompting a discussion on the ruling of allowing the tackled player to his feet. However, the linesman takes the time to explain the recent change in the ruling on this particular aspect of the game to the particular gentleman in the crowd who raised the query.

A period of scrappy play over the next few phases of the game, punctuated by a series of penalties sees Perth work the ball up the far right hand side of the pitch in a series of pick and goes to score.

13:37 Perthshire Eagles: 5 v Dunfermline Wolves: 7

A promising re-start as the Wolves regain the ball only to turn over possession and allow Perthshire to clear their lines with a foot-race between Andrew Clark and the Perth winger. Andrew goes down on the ball to secure it, regains his feet and is ably supported by Andrew Mackenzie to run it out of defence.

The game continues to ebb and flow, with Perthshire tightening their grip on the game by being first to the breakdowns and securing more ball at the rucks. Dunfermline have threatened up the left wing with Andrew Mackenzie making some strong runs, cutting inside. Perthshire are becoming increasingly aware of the danger he poses and are tackling him in pairs.

Perthshire continue to grind away keeping the ball tight in amongst their pack and drive over for a second unconverted try.

13:44 Perthshire Eagles: 10 v Dunfermline Wolves: 7

Ewan McElwee is replaced at hooker by Scott Buchan, and I think must have either picked up a knock or forgot to apply his Lynx de-odourant, as I noticed his leg getting sprayed on the touchline. The Perth centre (No. 13) is penalised for a show of frustration as he kicks the ball away and is instructed by the referee to go and retrieve it.

As half time approaches Dunfermline begin to exert a little more pressure on Perth and they ruck well over the ball, hurting the Perth No.7 in the process. The Wolves continue to press up the left flank and Andrew Mackenzie is agonisingly close to the line when it spills from his grasp in the tackle. Andrew shrugs off his tackler who seems to hold him for just an "affectionate" moment too long - which kicks off "handbag-gate" just before half-time. Andrew just stares at the flailing hand-bags – if looks could kill ? He is either not happy with the unnecessary attention of some of the Perth players or he is still seething at having been referred to as "Sweet-cheeks" by an encouraging shout from his dad.Probably a good time to call a halt to proceedings and let tempers cool.

HALF-TIME: Perthshire Eagles: 10 v Dunfermline Wolves: 7

14:00 and the second half re-commences. Faraz Nadeem comes on at No.8 and Ross Breslin for Connor Smilie. My new diagrammatic style shorthand notes shows the next try via a representation of the pitch and a squiggly line showing the Perth No. 21 winding his way through Dunfermline's entire team's despairing missed tackles.

14:09 Perthshire Eagles: 17 v Dunfermline Wolves: 7

The thunderous roar of "Dunfy – Waken Up!" reverberates around the Inches. Scott Crawford seemed reluctant to clarify the spelling of his forename for inclusion in the match report - so apologies if I have misspelt it. I took this to be a positive shout of encouragement much in keeping with the spirit of positive coaching ethos which Dunfermline are trying to promote – and indeed I had to agree with the sentiment. However, the shout falls on deaf ears as a switch-move is read by the Perth defence and is intercepted for Perth to score up their right wing.

14:16 Perthshire Eagles: 22 v Dunfermline Wolves: 7

It is at this juncture that Dunfermline do indeed heed Scott's advice and waken up. The Dunfermline scrummaging goes into overdrive, irrespective of whose put-in it is they drive Perth off the ball at will and secure possession. This sets up a stable platform for the backs to start stretching play out away from the forwards. Adam Cumming begins to run some good lines, delaying his passing to perfection to draw in the defender before releasing to Daniel Wilson and ultimately Andrew Mackenzie to score out on Dunfermline's right wing.

14:22 Perthshire Eagles: 22 v Dunfermline Wolves: 12

From the re-start, Scott Buchan collects the high ball well and dips his shoulder to run through the Perth winger (No. 14) who literally bounces off him. Good to see that the Perth coaches have also adopted the same positive coaching approach as they inform their flattened winger to "Suck it up" and "Man up".

Dunfermline continue to exploit Andrew Mackenzie's pace up the right wing. The little half-time altercation has certainly focused his mind and channelled his energy into letting his rugby do the talking as he again leaves the Perth defence for dead as he runs at them at speed, bursting through the ineffectual tackling.

14:27 Perthshire Eagles: 22 v Dunfermline Wolves: 17

OK, this is where my new graphical shorthand has let me down badly. I have the initials "AN" scribbled down in my notebook and a big arrow pointing straight towards the Perth try-line. I can't quite recall if Adam did make it all the way to the line, or whether the Mackenzie machine scored yet again. I am reliably informed by Duncan that Andrew did indeed score in the corner.

14:33 Perthshire Eagles: 22 v Dunfermline Wolves: 22

The Wolves have their tails up now and begin to smell victory. The re-start fails to go the required 10m and Dunfermline increase the pressure with a series of drives up the far left. Recent addition to the squad, James Shields, introduces himself to the Perth prop, setting a solid platform for Connor Crawford to power over the line to score.

14:39 Perthshire Eagles: 22 v Dunfermline Wolves: 27

Dunfermline try to dig deep to close out the match as Perthshire encamp in their 22. The Wolves defence is ferocious as they set out a wall of bodies along the try-line to keep the Eagles out. The referee awards a succession of penalties against Dunfermline and ultimately shows the yellow card for repeated infringements. And time ticks by so s-l-o-w-l-y ….. (no wait, that's a song isn't it ?) ….. until eventually the inevitable happens and a Perth shout directs the referee to the ball being grounded under the posts through a sea of bodies. 27 - 27. Conversion. 29 – 27. Final Whistle. Some sarcastic expletive from me. I am admonished by the Team Manger. Hey – this positive coaching thing isn't easy you know !

14:41 Perthshire Eagles: 29 v Dunfermline Wolves: 27

POST-MATCH ANALYSIS
A really good last 20 minutes of rugby to watch from both sides. I do enjoy closer, competitive games like this to watch. I still prefer it if we win, but you can't have everything. Chatting to a couple of Perth spectators – they could not praise Dunfermline highly enough – and for the last 20 minutes of the game, I have to agree.
Finally, it has been brought to my attention that the only individual to as yet escape featuring in the match report just coincidentally also happens to be about 6'4" in his stocking-soles and Bermuda shorts ….. funny that ……… so here goes ………
"Murray? Furry-boots is Huntly? Ian needs to know for his match report next week !"

Coaches Man-of the Match: By Duncan Campbell
"Players selected Man of the Match as Connor Crawford. Special mentions for me would go to Connor Bannister who played very well and kept attack flowing. Adam Cumming who’s defence was superb and quick feet managed to find a gap for our second try of the game. Andrew MacKenzie for finishing 3 of our tries to get us back in the game. Sean Taylor for his disruption at the lineout’s on Perth ball. Gregor Beatson for his counter rucking at any opportunity which lead to one of our tries. John and Lliam were impressed with Daniel McMillan and his work effort all over the pitch. Connor Crawford for popping up in the right place at the right time for two of his tries. Adam Nicol for challenging our own kick off’s. Faraz Nadeem when he came on, his overall performance was excellent.

Sunny – Sean Taylor nominated himself for throwing the ball away after giving away a penalty, ref marched us 10 yards and Perth scored from the penalty. "